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Fulton's Fancy Dress
By Jon Lunn
Wide shot - Sunrise over the back streets of town. In the distance the twin containers of the gas works, the light streaming between them.
The camera moves from a wide shot to medium shot, while panning downward to a row of old shops.
The camera is across the road from the shop. Still with a medium shot the camera moves across the street to Fulton's Fancy Dress shop.
As the camera moves towards the window display a bus passes in front of the camera followed by a car. The shop has a large bay window, with three mannequins on display. One is dressed in top hat and tails. In one hand a champagne glass. One eye has a monocle.
The second is dressed as a cowboy, with a large ten-gallon hat on his head.
The third is dressed as medieval princess, long skirt, top and pointy hat with a scarf sticking out the end.
Beat Sound of stomach rumbling. Beat Again the sound of the stomach rumbling, slightly longer this time The mannequins come to life.
Top Hat I say does one have to make that awful noise. Puts one off the view dear boy.
Cowboy Jessh, sorry there partner, I guess I should be rustling me up some breakfast. Always start the day with a hearty breakfast, before riding out on the range.
Top Hat Dear boy, first of all you don't always, as you say rustle up breakfast, due to the obvious fact that we don't eat, second you have no range to ride out on to as we are stuck to these plinths. I terribly sorry to destroy the illusion, but you are a shop window dummy.
Cowboy Who you calling a dummy, mister (pulls gun out of holster)
Top Hat Poor choice of words on my part dear boy, I mealy wanted to state that we are mannequins.
Cowboy Sorry partner, I'm mightily irritable before breakfast.
Top Hat 'Sighs' delusional, mad as a march hare (sotto voica)
Back to default pose 2 beats Loud farting noise
Cowboy (Pulls both guns and waves them in the air) yeeeaahhh haw.
Top Hat Let me guess, that were due to the large amount of beans you consumed last night, round the campfire.
Princess Il faith sire, thou smells like the kings privy
Top Hat My lady, please don't encourage him. You know perfectly well one cannot smell, as we have no olfactory nerves. And he cannot produce smells, as he has no, er, um, er, you get the idea. Lets have no…
Princess Car They all go back to the default pose, as a car passes the window.
Top Hat As I was saying, lefts have no more of this nonsense about bodily functions that we do not possess.
Cowboy Sorry partner, my apologises my lady, it won't happen again, I just couldn't resist
All go back to default poses.
Beat Another fart noise, not as loud as the first. The princess turns to the cowboy
Cowboy Don't look at me my lady, it wasn't me
Princess Well sir, it 'twas not me, ladies do not, (beat) well, we do not.
Both turn to Top Hat He looks at the ground
Top Hat Bugger !!!
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