By Nadja Lee 10/21/01
Declaimer: This poem belong to Nadja Lee. Please don’t reproduce or post
it anywhere without written permission.
Sometimes, I think
And in my mind
Colors blend together
Lines get blurry
And I can’t find my way
Sometimes, I wonder
Why things are the way they are
Why does all this happen?
Why now and why not yesterday?
Why?
Sometimes, I long
I want to run away
I want to put my hands over my ears
To silence the screams in my head
To silence the doubt and the feeling
Of not belonging
Then I heard it; reaching me
Playing ever so softly, ever so loud
Words with no meaning
Colors that don’t match
Total chaos
And I don’t feel
So alone anymore
The sounds in my head
Are drowned in the sounds that reaches me
I need to play it loud
I don’t want to listen
I don’t want to think
I don’t want to feel
I need all those words
Nonsense and meaningless
Just like my thoughts
They wonder far from me
And I can’t keep up
I can’t keep up
I have tried to find answer in order
But I never did
Maybe in chaos
I can find escape from the chaos within
Maybe
I wish they could understand
I wish they’d listen to me
I can’t explain with my own words
What I want, what I mean
But their words brings across how I feel;
The chaos, the feeling of standing alone
It is not about matching colors
It is about blending them
The line between black and white
Turns into gray
Until there is no line anymore
White, black, gray
I can’t find my way out again
Too many voices
Too many colors
Too much chaos
But in their words
Words not my own
I find peace of mind
Even if it’s just for a second
For I feel…
For I sense…
In their chaos
The colors suddenly make
Some kind of sense
I only wish I knew
What kind of sense
It is