Title: The Comfort of Peanut Butter
Author: Bani
Email: banime78@aol.com
Series: Cutting Loose # 6
Rating: R for remembered sexual abuse, Prostitution and
stuff.
Genre: S/R
Summary: Scott tells Rogue about his childhood after his
parent's deaths.
A/N: Nadja asked for a back-story for Scott's childhood
and the idea for this part was born. Thanks a bunch for
setting this plot bunny after me hon. One day I will be sure
to do the same for you. <EG>

Strong Warning: there is child abuse in this of a physical and sexual nature. There is also Prostitution and Drug use. I did not go into great detail but still if these are things that offend you please read no further.
 Thanks to Nadja for the fast Beta of this. Your so great girl.
Archive: Nadja of course and anyone else who is crazy
enough to want it. Just give me the Addy.
Disclaimer: As always Marvel and Fox own them. I own
this version of Scott though. If they promise to let him get a
hard-on every once in a while they can borrow him. <G>
Dedication: This is of course for Nadja Lee who has waited
very patiently for it and all the people who have read the
series thus far. Thank-you all.
********************************************************************

Scott woke up feeling like crap. He'd gotten little
sleep the previous night having spent half the night trying
to escape his nightmares. The day before had brought all
his old nightmares back. Seeing that man Burt hit his kid
had brought back a flood of memories so strong he had
been unable to fight them.

He knew it had scared Marie to see him lose control
like that. But he hadn't been able to help it. The demons
from his past had egged him on. He hadn't been able to
escape the abuse he had received until it had scarred him
for life. He wasn't about to stand around and watch it
happen to another child.

Marie had asked him for answers but he had been
unable to give them at the time. He'd have to explain
himself today. He wasn't looking forward to it. He was
afraid that once she knew the truth about his past she'd be
disgusted by him. This was the reason he had never told
anyone else. Not even Xavier or Jean.

Marie was a comforting warmth behind him. Arms
wrapped tightly around him as if she could help him to hold
off his demons. He ran his hands lightly up and down her
arms. She mumbled something in her sleep and cuddled
closer, slinging her leg over his hip. He grabbed her foot
and tickled her.

She tried to yank her foot away but he held onto it
until she was fully awake. "Hey, Ah was having a good
dream do ya mind." She grumbled punching his shoulder.

He rolled over so that she was underneath him. "We
have to talk." He said on a more serious note.

She looked away from his eyes and said. "It's okay
Scott ya don't have to tell me anything ya don't want ta."

"I want to answer your questions Marie. All of
them." He said sincerely.

She looked into his eyes as if trying to tell if he was
really being sincere. "If that's what ya really want Scott.
Ah don't want ya ta feel as if ya have ta answer me. Ah
want ya ta open up ta me because it's what ya want not
what Ah need."

"It is what I want Marie really. If I didn't want to
answer your questions then I wouldn't. But I do. And if
you're willing to listen then I'm ready to tell you
everything." He said.

She brought her gloved hand up and stroked his
cheek. "Is it so bad sugah? So bad that ya have ta brace
yahself for it." She slid her hand around to massage the
back of his neck. "Whatever it is just remember Ah love ya.
And what ever ya tell me ain't gonna change that." She
pulled him down for a short tender kiss.

He felt the tension flow out of him with her words.
He rested his head on the pillow beside hers. "Do you
really mean that Marie? Because it's bad, real bad. You
have no idea how bad." He warned her.

"Scott there is nothing and Ah mean nothing that ya
could tell me that would make me feel any different about
ya." She said.

He raised his head and looked at her face. She
looked upset and that hadn't been his intention. He
smoothed his hands over the hair on the top of her head. "I
don't mean to sound as if I don't believe you. It's just I've
never told anyone what I'm going to be telling you."

"Not even Jean?" She asked.

He shook his head negatively. "The Professor
doesn't know either. I mean they both know a little bit. But
you'll be the only one who knows everything."

Tears filled her eyes. Not exactly the reaction he'd
been going for. He took up the sheet and wiped the tears
away. "Hey none of that now." He said gruffly.

"Ah can't help it Scott. Yah just said that yah gonna
tell me things that ya never even shared with the two most
important people in yah life. Excuse me if Ah get a little
emotional." She smiled weakly at him.

He kissed her on the nose and got up from the bed.
"I'm going to get a quick shower and then we'll go get
some breakfast. We can talk after that."

"What ever ya want is fine with me honey." She
said.

When he was through with his shower, they left the
hotel in search of a good place to have breakfast. They
settled on Denny's when nothing else looked good. Neither
of them wanted to stop at any of the local cafe's or diner's.
Didn't want a repeat of yesterday's mishap.

They grabbed a booth and looked their menus over.
When the waitress came over Marie ordered a grand slam
and he asked for a peanut butter sandwich. The waitress
gave him a strange look and said. "We don't serve peanut
butter sandwiches here. Can I get you anything else?"

"No, I want a peanut butter sandwich. I guess I'll
just skip breakfast." He said looking as pathetic as he
could.

By the look on the waitresses face it worked. "Well
just wait a second and let me see what I can do." She
walked off towards the kitchen.

"Scott! Ah can't believe ya just did that." Marie
tried to look shocked but it looked more as if she was trying
not to bust out laughing.

"Just one of my many talents my dear. Is there
anything I can get her to do for you?" He asked puffing out
his chest with self-importance.

She lost the fight with her laughter and fell over on
her side on the booths seat. He looked at her under the
table. "You know if you keep that up they might think
we're escapes from the mental institution." She only
laughed harder at that.

The waitress returned then and looked at Marie as if
she thought Marie might attack her. She set a plate with a
peanut butter sandwich down in front of Scott along with a
glass of milk. "Here ya go hon. One peanut butter
sandwich." He made sure to thank her profusely.

Marie was still giggling as he took his first bite of
his sandwich. It tasted like memories. His mother had
always made him and Alex peanut butter sandwiches to
make them feel better when they were feeling sad.

He closed his eyes and savored the texture of the
peanut butter. It stuck the bread to the roof of his mouth
and he scraped it off with his tongue. He washed it down
with a swig of milk. Marie had finally calmed down and
was watching him eat.

"Musta been more important that ya get that
sandwich then Ah thought. Why's that?" She asked.

He pulled a piece off his sandwich and held it in
front of her mouth. She obediently opened her mouth and
he popped it in. He watched her as she chewed and
swallowed it, then said. "It reminds me of my mother. One
of my few clear memories is of her feeding me and Alex
peanut butter sandwiches after we had had a bad day."

"So it's like comfort food ta ya." She said licking
some peanut butter off of her lip. He watched her tongue
snake out and lick it off.

"Yeah that's it exactly. And since I'm going to be
telling you about my past then I need a little comfort. And
for me there's comfort in peanut butter." He said.

The waitress came with Marie's breakfast then and
they were silent as she ate. After she finished her meal,
Scott left a hefty tip for their waitress and they went to the
register and paid for their meals. As they were walking out
the door, their waitress came running up and held out
another sandwich to him. "We had just enough peanut
butter to make one more sandwich. And since I don't think
we'll get another request for one I thought you'd like
another sandwich." She said blushing.

Scott gave her one of his rare smiles and said.
"That's very thoughtful of you. What do I owe you for
this?"

"Oh no charge hon. It's on the house." She hurried
off then to wait on her customers.

"That was nice of her." Marie said.

"Yeah it was huh." He grinned at her.

"Yah incorrigible. Yah know that." She shook her
head at his tomfoolery.

"You love me anyway though." He said.

"Yes, Ah do." Her expression turned serious. "We
were gonna talk now weren't we?' She asked.

He felt his own face get somber. "Yeah. Why don't
we find someplace quite. This is gonna be a long talk."

They drove around for awhile before finding a small
park with no one there. Scott pulled over and they both got
out. Marie grabbed his hand and they walked for a bit. Each
respecting the others silence. Scott pulled her down next to
him under a large tree and began his tale.

"You remember how I told you my parents and
brother died." He looked at her to see her head nod in the
affirmative. "Well we were flying over a rural area. And
someone saw the plane go down and called it in. They also
saw my parachute. When they finally found me, I was very
near death. Suffering from exposure and blood loss." He
paused as he remembered how scared he had been as he
had watched the ground fly up to meet him.

"They rushed me to the hospital and I was in
surgery for hours I guess from what I was told. I had
massive head trauma. There was so much swelling they
thought that I wouldn't survive the night. But I did
although I was in a coma for three months. When I woke
up, I couldn't remember who I was or what had happened.
But my father had pinned a note to my jacket before
pushing Alex and me out of the plane. The note simply said
'These are my son's Scott and Alex Summers please take
care of them' nothing else. They never found Alex. And
when they found the plane there was no sign of my parents
bodies." He'd always thought that was strange. He didn't
believe that animals had eaten the dead bodies of his
parents. However, what other explanation was there.

"I had to stay in the hospital for another month until
they were sure there would be no complications. I was
released to the child welfare people and found myself in a
foster home so fast my head spun. There was no transition
period at all. It was like I was any other kid. Not a child
with no memory who had just been released from the
hospital." Marie made sympathetic noises and he put his
arm around her.

"I was scared but I adjusted to the situation pretty
fast. I was eight then but I felt years older in experience
even without my memory. The first foster home they had
put me in was okay. Not nice but they didn't mistreat the
kids. I was there for a year. But then I started to remember
things and then one day I remembered where I lived. I was
so excited but they wouldn't take me there because they
said that I had no family there and it would be a waste of
time. It made me so mad that I ran away and tried to go
there myself."

"It was a mistake. Not just because I was only a kid
but because I ran away I became classified as a troubled
child. This meant that I got transferred to another worker.
And this worker was known for being cruel. He put me
with a man who liked to beat his foster children up. But he
did it with a telephone book so that there would be no
marks. I tried to report the abuse but no one would listen."
Marie gasped in shock.

"I was in that home until the man got drunk one
night and lost control he beat me and two other boys until
we had to be rushed to the hospital. I thought that then they
would listen to me and I would at least get to go to a better
home. Again, I was ignored and the incident was passed off
as an unfortunate accident. I was so mad that I hit my
worker. And that too was a mistake."

"He put me in an even worse home the second time.
And this man liked to put his cigarettes out on his kids
when he thought they were being bad." Marie's breath
hissed out. And he pulled his shirt off and lifted his arm. He
knew what she would see. Little round discolored patches
of skin. She looked ill and he rubbed her back. When she
would have said something, he stopped her with a gloved
finger on her lips.

He put his shirt back on and continued. "I tried to
protect the younger kids but that only made it worse. My
time there ended when he got so angry at one of the little
girls he put out his cigarette in her eye." Marie moaned in
horror.

"I was transferred again and again it was to a worse
place. It was a pair this time a man and his wife. They liked
to play with their kids in a special way." He used quote
fingers when he said special way. "Again I tried to tell the
agency what was happening and they looked the other way.
I prayed every night that I would be taken from that place. I
was there for the longest and I became the couple's favorite
child to torment. They liked me best because I wouldn't
scream when they got rough like the others did. I'd already
learned by then that screaming only made things worse."
Marie grabbed his hand and he looked into her face to see
silent tears streaming down her face.

"It gets worse Marie. I ran away from that place
when I was twelve. Almost two years after I was put there.
The agency didn't find me this time but a group of older
boys did. They went around collecting all the young boys.
They'd feed you and give you a warm place to sleep and
then they'd teach you how to shoplift to earn money. Only
we, the other boys and me that is, would have to hand the
stuff we stole over to the older boys. It didn't much matter
to me but it was only the beginning of what we had to do."

"As we grew older they had us do more and more
stuff. It began as just little stuff. Like breaking into cars to
steal stereos and running some drugs across town for them.
When that didn't bring in enough money for them, they
started pimping us out. At first it was just to people who
liked to beat kids up and were willing to pay for the
experience. That didn't last long though. Soon boys began
running away and that's when things started to get really
bad. The boys who ran were never brought back. But it was
made clear that it was not because they had not been
caught."

"They killed those boys. Killed them as if they were
nothing. And it was only the start. The pimping became
serious and I found myself back in the same situation that I
had run away from. I learned how to get the tricks off faster
so that it would all be over sooner. Again it was a mistake.
I became very popular. The johns started to ask for me by
name. And after awhile I started to use that to my
advantage. Fifteen and already I was a prize whore. I grew
my hair out and started to take better care of myself. I even
started to wear a little makeup just enough to enhance my
features."

"I know that sounds sick but it was actually the best
thing I could've done. The better I looked the better
customers I got. The more money I made. And the more
money I made the less tricks I had to turn. But it started to
wear on me and I became jaded. Until one day, I couldn't
do it anymore. At least not with out a little help. And it was
then that I started to use drugs. I used everything I could
get my hands on. I smoked meth, shot heroine, snorted
crank and popped all the pills I could get my hands on."

"It's funny but up until I started using drugs I had
never been arrested. But the drugs made me careless and I
started getting picked up. I'd get dragged to Juvie and get
cleaned up. But as soon as I got out I'd start using again. It
became a never-ending cycle. I could feel my life spiraling
out of control and I didn't care. I didn't care if I lived or
died. It was all about getting that next high. When I wasn't
high reality was too much for me to handle. I thought my
life couldn't get any worse but I was wrong."

"When I was sixteen the headaches I had always
gotten started to increase in severity until I thought I would
die from the pain. It was a constant pain always there to
remind me that I was alive. And no matter how much drugs
I took the pain never went completely away. I didn't know
what was happening to me and so I went through the
motions of life. I wasn't really living but I was still alive.
Then one day the pain just exploded from my eyes and
suddenly I was a mutant. No real warning just the
headaches. And since I was already used to them they
didn't really count. It was my dumb luck that at the time of
my manifestation, I just happened to be looking at one of
my dealers."

"He died screaming. And there was nothing I could
do to help him. I was blind and there was no one to help
me. Once word got out that I had killed my dealer with a
look, no one wanted to have anything to do with me. I
wandered around and only by blind luck did I survive. My
world became reliant on touch and sound. Things that I had
taken for granted before. I learned how to get myself
around. I even made myself a makeshift blind mans cane."

"But not even my blindness kept me from doing
drugs. It was just harder to find the money to by them and
someone to sell them to me. But it wasn't impossible. If it
weren't for someone selling me some tainted stuff, I would
probably be still on the streets or dead. I ended up in the
hospital because the drugs I had been sold had been bad.
And if it hadn't been for a concerned construction worker I
would have probably died on the street. And no one
would've cared that I had died."

"The Professor found me in that hospital. A friend
of his worked there and found out from one of the doctors
that I had been ranting in my delirium about being a
mutant. So, he contacted The Professor to let him know.
Xavier came to the hospital and got permission to move me
to the Mansion. I don't remember much about that time.
Only that Jean was there for me. Holding my hand and
caring for me."

"I guess that's why I feel in love with her. Because
she was the first person since my parents had died that gave
a shit about me. Her and Hank helped me through the
withdrawals, made me the ruby quartz shades and visor. 
Jean was the first person I saw. Seeing her was like seeing
an angel. I had never thought I would ever see again and
yet I was. We didn't start dating immediately or anything. I
had to pursue her first. And it was fun. The chase and the
capture."

"But I know now that what I felt for Jean was just a
pale imitation of love. Because next to what I feel for you
it's a small thing." He looked at Marie then and found that
she was still crying her silent tears.  There was no disgust
in her eyes. No revulsion. And the relief of that realization
flooded him and he felt tears of his own spring to his eyes.
She'd heard everything and still she looked at him with
such love shining from her eyes that it made him physically
ache to see it.

"Ya went through so much Scott. Ah don't know
how ya lived through all of that. A leaser person would
have given up long ago. But ya held on and Ah'm so glad
ya did. Ah understand now why ya did what ya did
yesterday. It wasn't just about helping that little boy it was
also about helping yahself to overcome yah past." She
threw herself into his arms and he felt the dam of his tears
break and flow down his cheeks.

"Oh God Marie you don't know how much it means
to me to know that you understand." His voice was choked
with his tears.

"Ah will always understand ya Scott. Because we
are two halves of the same whole. Soul mates. Haven't ya
figured that out by now ya silly man." She pulled her scarf
from around her neck and kissed him and soon thoughts of
his past were forgotten as visions of his future with her
sprang up to replace them.